Sacrificing Chickens Considered Innefective
Another day, another proposal submission. Today I sent off a proposal to the WySGC. The idea is to support myself and my two new Ph.D. students for the summer, so we can pursue automated programming in the context of NASA’s Crew Launch Vehicle and Crew Exploration Vehicle. The surefire recipe for funding success still eludes me. I thought for a while that sacrificing a chicken would please the funding gods, but that hasn’t worked. But I think I’ve found the key: graduate students.
Of course the funding gods avert their eyes at the sacrifice of mere chickens! We’re talking small, flightless birds here, good only for laying eggs and the occasional sandwich. Grad students are an entirely different proposition. Many of them are smarter than your average chicken. It’s almost unheard of for a grad student to drown by looking up at the rain.
Chickens must be of little use to funding gods. Besides, they’re painful to keep. They want clean beds and coops, and they insist on being fed every day. Grad students, on the other hand, are much easier to maintain. All they need is a desk and a computer, and in a pinch they’ll give up the desk. They’re happy to work in places no self-respecting chicken would visit. And as far as food, all they need is a cold slice of pizza and an ample supply of caffeine.
That has to be it, the explanation for my funding woes. I’ve been sacrificing the wrong type of critter. So if you know any good grad students, tell them I called.